Josh Balia is the Co-Founder and Head Coach at Weights for Mates.
These days, many young men are overwhelmed with problems, and they don’t know how to fix it. So where would you go if you are experiencing those problems? Since starting Weights for Mates, some people have contacted Josh saying they felt suicidal, and he could direct them to get professional help.
We talked about his personal stories, and from there we talked about how he started Weight for Mates, how we met on the gym and talked about charities, and what inspired him to work hard and promote awareness of mental within young men using the gym. I really love Josh’s mindset and positive outlook on his career!
Nick Abregu: Hey, Google. Who is the Weight for Mates co-founder and the kickass coach at Training Day Gym? We got Joshua Balia here. How are you going man?
Josh Balia: Good man.
Nick Abregu: Dude, is it Baylia or Balia?
Josh Balia: Balia.
Nick Abregu:: Balia.
Josh Balia: Some people say Baylia .
Nick Abregu:: Josh Balia.
Nick Abregu: Yeah, Balia.
Nick Abregu: Where’s that from?
Josh Balia: My dad’s Anglo-Indian.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: And then my mom’s Lebanese but it comes from my dad, that’s why.
Nick Abregu: That’s why you got that nice olive.
Josh Balia: Always tanned in the sun for thirty minutes in the end.
Nick Abregu: Did you jacked man?
Josh Balia: A little bit. I got fatter as I said.
Nick Abregu:: No. You Jacked.
Josh Balia: I got a little fatter as… yeah, put on a little bit of weights.
Nick Abregu: Comfortable? You got comfortable?
Josh Balia: Yes.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: There’s a permanent fulcrum.
Nick Abregu: Are you?
Josh Balia: So, because I had hip surgery last year, last March.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: Which I got very, very skinny, I think I’ve seen about seventy-four.
Nick Abregu: I remembered you said… I thought that was for your knee. I didn’t…
Josh Balia: Nah, it’s my hip, yeah. I’m an old man.
Nick Abregu: Wow. What happened?
Josh Balia: I tore the ligament in my hip, had to refit the femur with those bone overgrowths as well. So, they shaped that down. I had fluid, label tear, so I have to do pretty much parietal reco within the hip. Yeah, so…
Nick Abregu: Why did these come on?
Josh Balia: Part of it is a condition called Dysplasia, so the actual condition here on my hip wasn’t… which tissue stage as kids same as babies, those never picked up. And then second, so I always had hip issues growing up.
Nick Abregu: Wow.
Josh Balia: And then coupling with all the training in the background and comps and high loads and too much eventually for my hip to handle.
Nick Abregu: How do you find it? How did they… how did you discover that you have to get this done?
Josh Balia: I couldn’t walk properly without pain. Percent, about three to four out of ten pain. Actually, I went to Japan at maybe month for that hip surgery. And I’m looking at these cliffs or mountains of it, trying to climb upstairs. I can’t actually walk that without pain.
Nick Abregu: Wow.
Josh Balia: You got that…
Nick Abregu: So, it was a saddle pain? But it was constant.
Josh Balia: Originally, I was squatting one night and midway through that squat down the bottom, I felt it go and finished. I was like, oh no, I’ve done something.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: After I looked at that, trying to rehab it a bit. We spent six months rehabbing it.
Nick Abregu: Really? Six months?
Josh Balia: Yeah, six months. Because I didn’t want to have an off just yet. So, yeah. And then, yeah. I go to Japan, and I was like, this… like we… you know, have to get this surgery. I can’t walk without pain. You could feel my femur on the articulator on the outside and it was just gross, because the ligament was torn.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: Femur was slightly shifting in the socket and it was just quite uncomfortable on that stage. So…
Nick Abregu: Wow.
Josh Balia: Surgery was one of the best things I did with actually. It was a good little refresh and…
Nick Abregu: How long you been since that surgery?
Josh Balia: So, it was first of March last year. So, 2019.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: And then it’s been tough two weeks, couldn’t drive, couldn’t work, nothing like that.
Nick Abregu: Wow.
Josh Balia: I’m went back to work in a week because I was going nuts just staying at home. Actually, they set up to about ten months recovery time.
Nick Abregu: Ten months?
Josh Balia: Yeah. Within six, I think I was back in the gym within about… I think the third week. I was leaving my crutches in the car and go to the training.
Nick Abregu: Really? You’re nowhere to.
Josh Balia: Nuts you could say. And then I couldn’t stay home without doing something which I’m glad I did. And then probably, alright, I’m back the three-months of loading weights again properly which is nice.
Nick Abregu: Wow. Did they say ten months recovery time? Because that’s the procedure for people out of an old age.
Josh Balia: That’s what it would be based off, I remember being in actual… in a hospital, Blackburn Road. And in the waiting bay, and then they’ll give you a bed and the guy come in he’s like, “Yeah, you’re actually the third of the age of everyone who’s actually getting to a surgery. Like what happened? Did you have a motorbike accident?” I like, “No.” So there’s, yeah, it definitely that part of time… it would have been based of people who were like eighty, ninety, old lady.
Nick Abregu: Yeah. Which makes sense if they recovered… for the recovery time to be a lot longer.
Josh Balia: Yeah. So also, because it’s shaved down the bone, inside the baby bone again. So, if I snap it or I’m at risk of actually breaking that… fracturing that bone. And then I have a longer period why I’m not back immediately from surgery.
Nick Abregu: How much did they shaved off?
Josh Balia: I have no idea, enough to make me not want to walk for a couple of days.
Nick Abregu: It would be interesting to see the… like an x-ray.
Josh Balia: Yeah. I saw…
Nick Abregu: Did you get that?
Josh Balia: We have scans after and because you don’t have your post-up appointments. And after that they, you see how they’ve kind of fid the femur back in and how it sits in the socket. You look at at the actual scan and that’s a lot better. So, and also all the information around the femur head is…
Nick Abregu: There’s a fly.
Josh Balia: For those that don’t know, Nick was clapping around chasing this fly past ten minutes. We’re back.
Nick Abregu: Dude, tell us… tell everyone that’s watching or listening, tell us who you are. Let’s get that happening, so people see what or understand what an amazing human you are.
Josh Balia: Yeah. So amazing, thank you! But basically, I’m the co-founder to social enterprise for Weights for Mates. Weights for mates used exercises the conduit to them to address mental health within young men. We look at top things such as anxiety, depression, suicide intervention and then we’ll coaching those boys basically how to help their mates with issues or such. Started around, we started working like 2016-2017 of November at launch and then we run workshops all the way through. And around personal training for kind of use at risk as well. Some people on the high-risk go, some people very low risk, and we just try to set up the community and environment around that. Second to that I work at Training Day as well. Coach them full-time there as well.
Nick Abregu: It’s a massive gym, right?
Josh Balia: Yeah. Huge gym. Good people. Good place. Has great equipment and that they initially, I came to Training Day and they actually offered the space up for rent… no rental to just use for Weights mates so they build facility. And then that obviously turned into a drop coaching as well and I opened up claiming facility. And we built out a house within their last couple of years. And to our team get support from them so… and why Training Day had been a great mentor along the way. And so that’s… it worked out perfectly.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: Then in the background of extra science and psychology as well. And fusion that off as an undergrad. So, almost done.
Nick Abregu: And you did lift like crazy man.
Josh Balia: Yeah, it’s been crazy. Previously, I used to compete for Valentin now coming back to it. But we.
Nick Abregu: How long do you think until you compete.
Josh Balia: I am planning for April, actually, this year.
Nick Abregu: Is that wise… are you…
Josh Balia: Body’s feeling pretty good.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: Trainings coming back in and to be honest it’s like another full-time job training. So, there’s… that’s kind of coming back in and looking in the 5th of April and March comps and will see. And take a bit of time off after that. And just enjoy training again. Let the hip handle what it can handle.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: We’ve had enough injuries over past five year, so you just build it back up, a little bit smarter each time.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: If I can do that comp great, if I can’t and have to pull back from the body. Okay. You can’t really be tied to it, your identity can’t be applied to that. So, that’s kind of where it is now and a brief background of my life .
Nick Abregu: Yeah. Nice. You guys, so we… so where we met was I was training at your gym.
Josh Balia: Yeah.
Nick Abregu: A different one. And the we just started, we just had talking about charities.
Josh Balia: Well, I found out that you had Winter Care Package.
Nick Abregu: How did you know?
Josh Balia: There’s… no, I think you told me one day. One day we’re just talking.
Nick Abregu: On the treadmill.
Josh Balia: Yeah.
Nick Abregu: On the rope
Josh Balia: On the rope and…
Nick Abregu: I just did murder that row.
Josh Balia: Yeah. Nick just came in and smashes all the row. And then we talk when he did his rest time. And then you want to know you’re on charity. I was like, will kick start it one at that point in time. Weights for Mates was just in development. So, I said, that was kind of cool and then I’d leave late and can see your car still at your office. I can see how you work hard as well.
Nick Abregu: Yeah. Bloody Atlas!
Josh Balia: Yeah. Because you’re working 16-hour a day, something like that, 16-18 hour a day.
Nick Abregu: Yeah, it’s crazy.
Josh Balia: Yeah, I think that’s actually ho we got along.
Nick Abregu: Yeah, because you work hard. You’re a hard worker. You work yourself to the ground.
Josh Balia: I think that’s kind of all I know ever since growing up. So, I actually don’t find that working hard is an easy part of anything. Sometimes, it can be a bit of escape as well.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: Productivity becomes your lifeline in other areas. So, it’s…
Nick Abregu: Because you get something in control.
Josh Balia: Yes.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: And it’s something as a kid, I’ve just learnt to do if something goes wrong. You go work yourself out of it. So, there’s nothing else you can do besides sit there and be sorry. It keeps you busy, keeps you distracted, and keeps you in line. The good thing stopping you towards…
Nick Abregu: I love that you said that. I find that entrepreneurs like I think that you definitely are, right? You’ve got that mindset for sure. It’s things… these tools that you learn as a kid. Like you just said, you used to work yourself out of problems. Like how can you, you know, we have a different mindset to a lot of different… a lot of people. And I think that’s… it’s important to understand because you can problem solve. And once your problem… and I think business is just problem-solving every day. Every hour.
Josh Balia: Yeah. And things go wrong. I think that actually those skills that starts, when thing go wrong when people kind of thrown in deep end. And you have your new kind of crisis and you have everything, all your structures or your foundation is completely broken. And your kind of have to rebuild and remodel it and just, to kind of survive and at the most anecdotally, the more people I’ve seen in trauma situations or really tough upbringing. They’re usually the ones who are coping and very resilient in life now, you come to develop grit as you go along.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: So, and most of them will tell you that they have been through s***, and completely deny what they’ve gone through and you hear their background. You’re like, well it’s actually pretty heavy and that’s pretty tough. That’s just life for them. So anyway, anyone that kind of has that background or maybe we were born with it, some people genetically let’s say, kind of built with that resilience and some people are forced to build that resilience. So, it’s dependent on one. I guess where you are with, who your parents are, what background you come from, what your environment is, how you grow up, and it starts all the way in developmental years. The earliest start and the better off you are, as we get kind of into adulthood and
Nick Abregu: You mean like dealing with crap?
Josh Balia: Yeah. It’s one of those kids who’d handle issues as if they are 20, 30, 40 years old.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: And that realistically just kids.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: And those kids when they actually grow up in there 20, 30, 40 years old, they’re doing crazy s***. Doing the same stuff, most people can’t even imagine. But it starts somewhere. Something always ticks the box. There’s always something there that kind of builds those tools.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: That’s kind of where it starts.
Nick Abregu: Yeah. I know you speak to some people and they say, I just did this or like I just like something really bad, something really traumatic happen and they talk about like it’s nothing. And I’m like, oh man, there’s so much pressure like they didn’t even realize their coping mechanisms are through the roof.
Josh Balia: Yeah.
Nick Abregu: Like they don’t realize like these things you can let go, right? Because for them they just brush it off. Like so used to this high pressure situational or they deal with them very well.
Josh Balia: And some people love them as well, I genuinely think I don’t have stress in my life and be mental.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: I wouldn’t know what to do myself and I think some people chase that as well, because you kind of learn of it, you thrive in it and someday would just left out. And that you have the other end where it was. People always have different coping mechanisms, and they’ll compartmentalize, and they’ll detach or they’ll block it out and they just have to keep on going. So, you have different facets that people developed to deal different coping mechanisms, but people will tell you a whole lot of stuff and go, yep. Just a day for doing that. That’s normal to them and that’s I’d rather see for everyone.
Nick Abregu: That’s crazy. It’s really crazy, isn’t it?
Josh Balia: Yeah. It’s cool, it’s cool.
Nick Abregu: You have a quite fascinating story to tell about why you started Weights for Mates.
Josh Balia: Yeah.
Nick Abregu: So, can you just tell these people a little bit more about Weights for Mates? Like what it is that it does and give it a brief introduction. Let’s dive into it because I think it’s the important organization to have around.
Josh Balia: Yeah. So, in essence it was a preventative measure towards let’s say, end stage of suicide and we’re addressing on the level of where it all starts where does that fester. And usually it starts within relationships with other people in your environment. Starts with a little anxiety, depression, things that where does that start, we’re trying to be preventative to that. And we believe if you can prevent that, you have to kind of equip someone with kind of whole sort of tools to deal with it. Many of us don’t have the tools to actually deal with that, or let alone use it when a pressure situation happens. So, in essence, we have a siphon board who run the workshops and myself and Andrew, the other co-founder would run that as well. We’ve set up this little environment.
Nick Abregu: What age group do the other people you train?
Josh Balia: Originally, we started 16 and 25, 16 kind of you cut off, because really you don’t have… we look at brain development and people who understand irrational thinking. It doesn’t really start till we’re hitting that, and full development of what we call frontal lobe. Realistically, we’re looking more 20, 21, that’s when people make stupid decisions when they were younger, right? We don’t think rationally.
Nick Abregu: So, the rational starts developing up to 16?
Josh Balia: Yeah.
Nick Abregu: Wow.
Josh Balia: Yeah. When we actually look at brain development it’s really been looking females been quicker than guys.
Nick Abregu: Why? Why is that?
Josh Balia: It’s just genetics, in a way. I don’t believe in that answer. Front lobe development can be up to 21 to 22, or 23 and it comes with rational thinking. So, there’s we’ve kind of cut it off 16, getting there early also legally as well with their parent/guardian.
Nick Abregu: Okay.
Josh Balia: But up to 25 it’s expanded up to 30, really. Instead of diverse range from first I think 13 workshops all together across the board and coaching’s continued within the training day throughout. You’re basically being a supportive male figure within that individual’s life for blokes. Specifically, we used wanted to work with the demographic of blokes first purely, because the suicide rate was through the roof. When we started there was on average or two and half thousand suicide rate a year, 75% of those were men. Now we’re looking at what, three and a half, something like that pretty young.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: Yeah. Still with this basic rate about seventy five percent which is mass.
Nick Abregu: Wow.
Josh Balia: Yeah. But then you look at white, most people who were going to go and do that action. I kind of tell you, with blokes actually being up and talking and there’s a lot of stigma behind that what actually involves in masculinity. And if you have an issue, usually the whole cultural system is that you deal with it yourself. You don’t voice it and you don’t do dirty laundry, you know and then what happens when you actually can’t handle it. So, we weren’t coming from a place of and just completely clinical because there’s already services like we refer to. Those clinical places, a psychologists especially will come in from a place of like if you have a couple blokes. You have probably understood if a bearded man through a bit, not everything but enough to actually understand, really strong understanding and certain set up an environment. We can have those conversations, we can kind of have a framework there, facilitators’ conversations. And that framework was really exercised. It was a physical activity, it’s a blokey thing to do. It’s also, women are doing as well. I’m going to set something up for them. And support that demographic but the first one was worth with… which with men because of market statistics.
Nick Abregu: Yeah. And how many people have you helped so far?
Josh Balia: Over a 100? I don’t actually know the full figure. I don’t know, we’ve had over 100 to the workshops, coaching ongoing throughout the years. Can’t quantify that yet, so for a few. For a few to say the least. So, the biggest thing, it’s funny because you might have. However, how many numbers within the workshop, how many numbers your coach. But then what you have to look over than that is how many people reach out to you, how many messages you have, how many phone calls you have, how many… like how coffees are made up? So, that you become a resource very quickly outside of just that.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: Which is still considered within like, that’s what you do, that’s what people know you for. That’s why people are reaching out, but it puts you out in other situations outside of just up the gym. So…
Nick Abregu: So, you’d be getting, I know that you’re at one point, you were answering the phone at all hours of the night. Are you still doing that?
Josh Balia: Yeah.
Nick Abregu: And that’s to save someone’s life. These people call you to, you know, when they’re on the verge.
Josh Balia: Yeah. I reckon at one point; I probably had a three-month period where whatever was going on within the world. Probably, the last point calls for a few people and I was managing them and trying to help them through what their problem at that point in time. And I guess that taught me a lot of lessons. One taught me to handle emotional stress and also be handle my own. Because it’s not an easy thing to handle especially if you have investments into those people as well which you build. But, yeah, there’s you do what you have to do.
Nick Abregu: Dude, what are some other tools that you used to really like deal with your own s*** because it’s easy to fall into the trap of just like throwing yourself into other people’s problems but then, you didn’t get to deal with your own s***.
Josh Balia: Yeah. But that was the hard lesson actually learned. Because man, I thought I was completely rundown as well, and when you have nothing left emotionally because you’ve given it. And rightfully, so I’ll do that again in a second then it’s very hard to deal with your own s*** at that point in time. You still have career stress, still have relationship stress, and you have your own emotional stress from other things and task, and children, and whatever is in the background the citizen you had. I’ve completely broke down with that to be perfectly honest. I’m about to put the tools in place that I’d put farther to people in place for myself. And it’s started by having to fill up own cup again and you can’t give from an empty cup.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: I think one of the best things that I did on that end and that’s why I said hip surgery was a good rehash could have basically taken everything off my plate. I just come back from Japan and have a few issues with my old man in Japan, and that was when I went like, it’s kind of hitting the fan in my own personal life. And Lycia was in the hospital overnight and Tim already asleep, you’re listening to the podcast I listen to called… by Eric Thomas called, how bad you want it? A pretty popular one. And that’s…
Nick Abregu: What it’s called? What is it?
Josh Balia: How bad do you want it by Eric Thomas. Something I listened to the last 2012, around 2011 when I came, 2012 maybe. I just had a repeat, and I’ve seen in this hospital bed and suddenly stripped back my life and rebuild it. And then had this weak and… well I was just, I couldn’t move off the couch because I hit. And well, as you’re pulling apart each like resetting goes running down what was going through my head, these thoughts and everything was stripped back on and I got pile it back on. So, you just kind of have to take a step back in and how I mediate that now. Well, at that time, it’s March and things kind of hit the fan and s*** crumbled and I was having to build back up. And I ended up going on a training with my best mate Andrew, who’s the other co-founder of Weights for Mates with my training at 5:30 in the morning again. Another man about swag, jumped in with us and the three of us were training and that was… I was just enjoying going in having a period of time, one to two hours where I just work hard, yeah. Just not think, headphones in and at the same time leaving the crutches in the car. And going in and train again, and doing just whatever I could. I didn’t have expectations around. It’s like training goals because I couldn’t attend to my rehab and I just actually got to have time for myself. And that can manifest for a lot of other people in different ways. For me, it was what I knew. I’ve been doing this since I was 13. So, and now kind of have of this now. I actually take a fair bit of time to myself. I just droped off the mat completely, phone away.
Nick Abregu: It’s so important.
Josh Balia: Yeah, like go down to the pool, you’re walking in the pool, when your head’s underwater you can’t think of anything else. You can’t hear anything else and input to take them off your plate. And so…
Nick Abregu: It was a solid point.
Josh Balia: Yeah. You just need to strip it back and that’s something like I’ll start, even now as things are coming onto my plate after I learned how to take things off. To manage that, otherwise you just crumble. And so, the phone has to go away bit. That my contact point with people have to go away bit. There’s… and you just prioritize a few things.
Nick Abregu: Is it a new case of lucky. I don’t see you as a people-pleaser. Like I think you’re a pretty straightforward kind like of guy. So, it’s not that situation like if you’re not getting that on because you want people to like you. This is happening to you because there’s a lot of s*** going on, that people need you.
Josh Balia: Yeah. And there’s… people are pretty blunt with that, to be honest I don’t really care if someone doesn’t like me, that’s okay. I have my own values and I build that up. So, instead of people-pleasing there’s, I guess if you have a responsibility, you’ve got to fulfill it even if it’s not a responsibility you want to take. There’s same guys in a professional setting, you know, if a doctor and a vendor had an accident and he doesn’t decide to go how when he’s the only qualified or able to, then who’s liable, you know. Can you live with that? Can sleep at night? Maybe, maybe not. In my case no, it takes over in my head.
Nick Abregu: Because you have a strong value set.
Josh Balia: Yeah, that takes over in my head and it’s a voice kind of said, if we don’t do it, who will? So, if everyone took the notion of someone else will do it for us, nothing will get done. So, that’s… and to be frank at the same time, if people trust me with certain things, then you appreciate that as well. You build your character enough for someone to trust you in that degree. Don’t abuse it ever. That’s your responsibility now whether you like it or not. But yeah, kind of leaves us where we are.
Nick Abregu: You’re a solid guy man.
Josh Balia: To any sense, yeah. It’s just how it is. That’s how life stand out.
Nick Abregu: Yeah. I know with my charities. We are 5 years, this is gonna be our 6th year. We… like it’s definitely taking the toll. It’s taking an emotional toll. Every year, it’ll just chip away at me a little bit just seeing like people on the streets and, you know, and it took a toll. Like last year it took a massive toll on me. I just… if it wasn’t for Margaret, she was the one… she pulled the whole strings last year. It’s Margaret like the other co-member. She pulled all the strings, I just needed to be… I just couldn’t do it because I had too much on my plate. Like business stuff and like I would usually let my business dropped down a bit, you know, just to focus on the charity but, you know, that’s part bad on my side with not having proper systems in place. But yeah, I had to take some time to reevaluate that stuff.
Josh Balia: I remember back in the gym and you’re trying to get the fundraiser sort of and you’re pulling out your hair and working late at night time. I remember that completely. And there’s I see… even for the last let’s say,  you’re having a beer and you must have quite a lot of work on outside. And so, as much as we want to be in the public life of the charity and running those workshops publicly, sometimes you have to take a step back. And from where we started to where we are now, we’re always looking at there’s so much more we can be doing but sacrifice the other things in your life as well. So, there… I understand that completely sometimes you actually just have to take a step back and that’s completely okay. Because we can’t let our identity be formed within this if it doesn’t like. Then simply we’re not devalued.
Nick Abregu: Exactly.
Josh Balia: Lesson be learned but I understand that completely and you were doing a lot. You were doing a lot.
Nick Abregu: Yeah, it’s just a lot of intricate things that we have to do as the founders, you know, that we can’t pass on to other people. You know, because it’s not their responsibility to do even if you have board members and all this stuff. It’s just…
Josh Balia: Just gotta roll your sleeves up and do it. And sometimes you needed elsewhere.
Nick Abregu: Yeah.
Josh Balia: That was just how the game is.
Nick Abregu: Exactly. Dude, okay. Is there anything you want to talk about? Like anything…
Josh Balia: I’m completely…
Nick Abregu: Is there anything we can’t talk about?
Josh Balia: No.
Nick Abregu: No? Okay.
Josh Balia: There’s, no, not.
Nick Abregu: Can I ask you about how your relationship started going a bit s***? Because of that… is that…
Josh Balia: Yeah.
Nick Abregu: Can we talk about her?
Josh Balia: Yes of course.
Nick Abregu: Are you still with her? Are you back with her?
Josh Balia: Yeah, yeah.
Nick Abregu: You were seeing someone else? We’re not adding this in.
Josh Balia: No, no. We’ve actually split up twice and back together. Same girl.
Nick Abregu: Why? Why’d you split up?
Josh Balia: First time I said I couldn’t handle…
Nick Abregu: Because she was ununderstanding of what you’re doing. She didn’t understand more. So…
Josh Balia: She understood. She just didn’t condone it. Because I’d pull away if there’s… I was in exam period for Uni, I was in Weight’s for Mates had just launched. And I think the best way that I could caught up. I caught up that was 92 hours in that week. And Andrew was doing more than me and I look at this guy running 80 -100 every week. And I was…
Nick Abregu: Just for…
Josh Balia: He enormously had probably funds management and I was like… and I am competitive and I was like, he’s doing that. I have to do that, like it or not. Putting anything less.
Nick Abregu: I valed that in a person.
Josh Balia: Yeah. It was better to…
Nick Abregu: Like I’ve had so many business things go sour because they weren’t working as hard as I was working.
Josh Balia: Yeah. And that’s… that is the one thing because, plan is I wasn’t trying to do as much then, trained and took a back seat. And then when training takes a back seat, everything was taken. The relationship was taking a back seat. And it simply always… I was pulling away on this kind of tunnel region like anything else. And when you pull away from someone, they still need time,they still need that attention. It’s never gonna work. So, that was kind of the first breakdown and impacted me everything after that. Got back involved and then. We hadn’t fixed this stuff from the first time. It was just kind of… it’s almost insanity. You were hoping they would work without really changing anything.
Nick Abregu: How long were you together?
Josh Balia: For the first three year and then we split up for three months. Back involved. I think we had another five months then just split up and there’s eight months. And actually I had a very close friend of mine passed away last and he passed away; I believe it was about April. From April to early May. And when that happened she got back and contacted me. All this time just checking and see how I was and get me on track.
Nick Abregu: Oh, that’s nice.
Josh Balia: Yeah. She had a lot of respect for, play it simple. And when day pass, I was probably in a pretty vulnerable state and it was something I was handling by myself. That I didn’t really…
Nick Abregu: Plus all the other things.
Josh Balia: Yeah. There’s… I remember actually got a call for 2-minutes before I walked in to him and for whatever reason I said I would take that call and find out that he’d passed and toxicology results coming back. And all that was going and often were two minutes later. I didn’t talk a word about it for another week and a half within that setting. Till I do take a time off for the funeral for the next day and on the Thursday. And I was simply not dealing with it. That was how I was gonna deal with it. And that fester’s, that actually…
Nick Abregu: Yeah, when you left alone with your thoughts.
Josh Balia: Yeah. I was working, had lunch, head first into work. I was working big days like back-to-back-to-back. Seeing 11 to 12 clients in a day. Wasn’t really… they maybe trained but it’s about it. Trained really and I just did not deal with that at all. And it would come about and random doubts. And so, that funeral happened and even though you kind of have shattered that out. And I actually… and it’s kind of how we got back the contact after she obviously can see through my s*** of I’m coping which I share into the whole world. But she could see through that. So…
Nick Abregu: Were you self-sabotaging?
Josh Balia: Actually, I immediately had to like where… I think I opened a bottle of whiskey and drinking half that bottle of whiskey. And just on my bedroom floor and that was my coping mechanism. One night, just absolutely in… and I don’t do that. I try to stop it. Yes, I was self-sabotaging completely.
Nick Abregu: I can understand how that helps. I know people say don’t do that and I don’t condone that. But I mean, I can understand like when there’s no… it’s the last resort, like sometimes you just need to lose yourself for a little bit. And like, yeah, that’s…
Josh Balia: Yeah, it’s an unaesthetic completely. And I also validated certain emotions going to me like, drunk is anything of that stage. And that was how I was kind of led in the wall was down and it was a terrible idea. Had a heavy hangover and I don’t actually… usually drink. It’s not my thing. And I never really liked it. And there’s… having that kind of breakdown, okay, these are the pieces I’m gonna have to pick back up. And this is the time that I need to go on and spend with work out, and process, and I guess as well within that. So, he passed by overdosing and whether his purpose or not, there was a lot of things going on the background. Two days before that, he was actually meant to check into rehab and we had that conversation. So, there is… and I actually thought he was going on rehab. We had this conversation with basically leaves in tears over the phone and about pretty much turning things around. And my exact words to him were, “Sometimes these things in life need to happen so we’ve completely broken. And so, we actually learned to actually turn this around and he said he was going to rehab. And so, there’s… that kind of conversation had played on echo in my head. And it was a very… probably brought up one of these fears of like, you fear of failure but fear of failure in the sense of losing someone. Because for whatever reason you thought that was your responsibility and I’m trying to take responsibility. And that was probably… that was something I had to really address because at the end of the day, you’re trying… you go helping all these other people, whether you like them or not.
Nick Abregu: And the one person that you needed to help, you couldn’t.
Josh Balia: Yeah. And that was on the cards for awhile. With all the people, that was on the cards for awhile and that was something that when it actually did happen… because there’s always gonna one always slips through. You know, you’re holding everyone in turn of yourself and one slipped. When that actually happen, I was like, okay. There’s a complete breakdown of your whole model of life. You think you can fix everything but you think you can handle a fair bit. You also think that’s everything’s gonna be no matter what kind of happens you always manage to get through. So, when that outcome doesn’t happen, completely you have to review everything yourself. It’s a good lesson in life. Like that’s the only permanent thing I think we’re actually given. We’re gonna end up dead on one of our life, yeah. It’s like there’s all this stuff now, like when you look at rather death of Kobe and his daughter. Everyone’s gonna be reminded the fact that life can be taken away like that. That was my reminder that life can be taken away like that. And so, it’s something that… to be honest, I’ve now kind of put into it to a phase of how do I find purpose for that. And it’s gone in within I guess progressions in a relationship side but the little s*** that I used to hang on to or would probably kick off. Doesn’t kick off because you have a sense of perspective there. Coming into a career side of, be grateful for what you actually have. And keep working the way we’re doing because if not harder, I think I’d roast myself. When I can work hard enough that put myself on blast in doing that. Because I have an opportunity to do so and some people don’t. Sometimes I’ll use it and if I don’t, that’s on me. But it was a good kick for like, what you are doing. You have so many things. And that was… it’s a very sobering moment as well.
Nick Abregu: F***, it’s that purpose thing. That’s like, it’s just hard to find. Purpose is hard to find. Like we’re so distracted by so many things. Like even reminds us all that life is so short. It’s still… like I know that plays on my mind all the time. And then they gives me that anxiety of saying like I’m wasting my life. And you get stuck in that cycle of like, s***, I have to do something about some, you know, wasting my life. And then what’s the purpose and then it’s just this vicious cycle of just negativity.
Josh Balia: Yeah, and it builds up. It builds up. I think kind of that cycle’s the best thing you can do though. Like we probably play on the end and everyone has their meltdown and comment on what I wanted to do, right? But we set those dreams and expectations when we were young. When we haven’t actually gotten a glimpse of what was life was. And now we’re getting a glimpse of what reality is. And we’ve kind of got to remodel their expectations to it, you know. Say as a kid that we’re gonna be this and this and this at this age. And with early 20 to say we’re gonna be this and this at this age. And we actually get there. We don’t know the reality is to we get there, you know.
Nick Abregu: We don’t know s***. We don’t know s***. And then people that… we look at people that got their life together, they also don’t know s***.
Josh Balia: Yeah, yeah. It’s funny when people say like doing volume potential for this and looking at me like, I still don’t know. I’m still not in place and people like, you’re like for this, you’re like for that. And you’re like, I don’t know. Completely I don’t know what you are saying but.
Nick Abregu: Why do we have their view of ourselves? Like other people can see so much like brilliance in us but when we look at ourselves we’re like it’s just no.
Josh Balia: That’s I think we have exposure to it. We’ve dated an exposure to it. It’s our normality same way as we have someone way more a couple bit, you know, this is my day-to-day every day. This is the normality, you know. Also we harden ourselves. We have to be. If no one else’s is like you have to be. And so, people like I guess a bit kind of caught up in the whole like I’m doing this and this and this and they loved. And revered kind of in people’s praise from as well. And potting one on a pedestal like I can’t be doing that.
Nick Abregu: Like I had this discussion with my partner the other day. She was saying, “You are being negative about yourself.” Right? And she sees it as a bad thing but like it’s bad for mindfulness, it’s bad for, you know, all the cells in your body to be thinking that. And a lot of people think the same thing. Like I know a lot of, like a health coaches or mindfulness coaches, they say you should only say positive things about yourself. You know, to amp yourself up and to believe all these things. But I don’t think people understand that for and I think you are the same as I am. When we are negative about ourselves, we use that as a fuel to be like I need to be a little bit better. Not to say we’re s*** and then not do anything about it. We say we’re c*** at this, so that we can get better. And we can work hard to get better. So that we can say, we’re not c*** at it anymore. And you go on to the next thing. But it’s not to put ourselves down, it’s rather to say, you know, there’s a certain standard that you should be at. Go and get that. Be that overachiever just for that little thing.
Josh Balia: yeah, I completely agree with that. I was trying to squat the other day and in between my set somewhat you’re lazy, you’re fat, this is slow.
Nick Abregu: As motivation?
Josh Balia: Yeah, because I know where I could be. And I know that presenting into that session with probably the mood and the headspace a bit. Like it’s ethology can it all came from where my mind was at. And there’s… I’m not gonna sit there and tell myself I’m doing well because I’m simply not. I’ve done better. And there’s kind of a way and it gives you a bit of an adrenaline response as well. And I’ve always kind of maintained. I’ve always used it that like your perfect focal point is a medium between anger and happiness. And if you can get angry enough to stimulate, it’s called an inverted U theory, arousal performances inside. But enough, enough adrenaline however the h*** you are doing it. So, it took peak of that inverted you and then you moderate it by being like, you know. Now a good, you know, gracious, gratitude and we kind of use this dopamine titrate a bit more. And that’s kind of where you want to be. If you arouse levels too high, anger’s too high, aggression is too high, that performance starts to grow up. We become sloppy, we become messy and missing spot. And you can mediate that with like, yeah, how am I tell myself I’m lazy, and this and that or like it’s not good enough and done better. But I also moderated it with like, well we’re here doing it now. Got an opportunity to do it now, I’ve got to do it. Amd they’re a very focused thoughts and calculated thoughts for a specific outcome. Granted, if you’re telling yourself, you’re terrible and you’re playing a whole victim line and a victim statement, that’s say later. You’re gonna there. Whereas if you are in a position of, hey I know what I can be. You’re not playing the victim. You’ve just been honest and being honest to yourself. Then, you’re in a much better position.
Nick Abregu: How could you explain that. It’s much better than her.
Josh Balia: I think our partner can always be the ones who bring that up and support that. They don’t want to say, you beat yourself up because they can see how much stress you’re putting on yourself. And they’re a good mediators, feel sometimes take a step back and a bit of an objective opinion sometimes, it’s a bit glorified sometimes, it’s a bit too much of pedestal. And I guess you have to understand the importance you play in their life as they play in yours as well, you know. And we obviously working together but sometimes it’s needed, sometimes it’s not. I’m pretty harsh to be honest. My partner probably cops me pretty blunt when I said, point-blank, it’s not good enough. And I should probably struggle of it a bit and I should check myself on that.
Nick Abregu: So, you need to be more female energy. You got a lot of the masculine protector.
Josh Balia: Yeah, I’m pretty blunt to say the least. Sometimes in this, we’ll be together and in my head I’m roasting myself with that, I need to do this, I need to do that. Would be on a date or we were watching a movie and I’ll be sitting there. Actually watching a movie and there was one week before running a dead lift con for a children’s hospital fundraiser. And one week before, we’re watching this movie. I can’t remember what movie we were watching. Because I’m sitting there, I stayed quiet. And I felt like, I’m gonna pull 250 kilos. Like you’re not gonna pull 250 kilos. You’re not good enough. And that ws just over and over in my head.
Nick Abregu: She’s crying because the guy just gave her a rose in the movie.
Josh Balia: She could be. I wouldn’t have even know Nick. I was just sitting there and I think we got out the movie and it’s still what was up in my head. I’m still turning over like picturing what 250 look like, staying up tall with that. And I just continued on for the next week. That’s all that, it’s an obsessive thought.
Nick Abregu: Yeah, that’s what makes a world-class lifter or you know, world-class anything. It’s just that opposition.
Josh Balia: Yeah, and you have to be. You have to be. There’s a young guy, thin and he’s probably dating a coach. And in Athens, he was in Paris fighting. And privilege to coach him. He’s one of my best mates as well but we bounce off one another with that because that obsession is something there. And the class, and the poise, and the focus that he brings especially when we’re pulling apart. Before he went to Paris like last two months of just watching his character do resilience and they’re watching his brother Dean. And they build up as well and you’re watching these mental shears but that’s what it has to be. If you ever go has to kind of mean as a focus for the team behind you. At some point you have to pick up things that you miss or need help with. And that’s what really works but the kids go for Olympics this year for guardian. No doubt he’s settling his eyes that he’ll do it. And you kind of have to go in and accept all your fears and spend time with them and address them. And the come out of it and also be able, I’m still going and doing this no matter how it makes me feel. No matter how challenging, no matter how hard it is, you still have to go in and do that. And that always comes from a good reason why. It comes from a drive and you know, sometimes it’s very hard to come back to reality and to normal life without the people who don’t have those expectations because you’re simply in this own. You’re in other world.
Nick Abregu: Just had to switch. That’s the biggest key, if you can learn that, you’ve got it, right?
Josh Balia: Yeah, and I don’t think you always need to switch. You need people who understand that and there’s… you can have environment that don’t understand that. And you can feel very odd, you know, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. You can feel very isolate and alone, you know, I really don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. But finally in a few at your environment usually models to fit these goals you want to achieve. They say like the five people around you, that’s usually what you’re gonna be, you’re gonna be six. And there’s an aggregate of the six and I look at people in my life and I sit there. There’s things that those people do extremely well that I can learn often. I want to be around that and hopefully something I bring back onto the table as well for them. So, I said it as the same forward and Andrew, Andrews working what? Like 80 to 100 hours a week after week and I was just watching that just being like, how the f*** is he doing that? It’s like, this is nuts.
Nick Abregu: Yeah, I think that’s crazy.
Josh Balia: Yeah, but at that time like he will go in and training at 10:00-10:30 p.m. And then will pick him up again at 6:00 a.m. in the morning. Would go have a braking meeting and come to the office. Would go to work and duty on that night. It was just someone who like to work the way I like to work. And I love training with him because he could work hard and push me. And so, that’s now my environment again.
Nick Abregu: How do you juggle that? How do you juggle everything you’re doing plus the relationship with your partner?
Josh Balia: It’s taken a lot of work. Two or five more times.
Nick Abregu: It’s worth… like when you know it’s worth it, you do whatever it takes.
Josh Balia: Yeah, and that’s something I’ve had to learn as well because when you can put the kind of the blinkers on, just go straightforward the learning how to objectively looking and be like, well maybe I made a mistake here. I’m quite stubborn, and certain quite blunt but having that actually review the fact that’s like, I can do this better here. It has taken a lot of work and actually went to work with someone when I had to as well. And taught me a lot and a mentor. I really made to review things and look at everything that I’ve mocked up and everything that I could have done better. And that’s something I’ve had to learn over that thing. I’m still working, to be honest. And communication is probably the biggest thing.And I mean those tough conversations as well instead of dancing around them and avoiding them. Like having that… I guess communicating, I wasn’t very good at communicating what was in my head because I like to keep it to myself.
Nick Abregu: Because… do you feel it’s too complex to explain?
Josh Balia: Yeah, and it frustrates me that I haven’t always been had answers to it. So, the last thing I want to do is put it out on paper, put it out there for someone who probably wants to try and help you with it. And you don’t really want help on that as much as it solves. So, that’s probably the next thing like sometimes you want to kind of pull away because you’re handling all this stress and a partner must have provide you aid. I’m just there under stress, you don’t want to provide aid. But it can always provide. It can go in when you fix on it because they’re not broken at the start. It’s just something that you have to manage. So…
Nick Abregu: And I feel like you’re not the kind of person that just need to talk about it just for the sake of getting it out. Like you need answers.
Josh Balia: It keeps me up at night. I have to do these things about it. Talking about it isn’t provides a means to an end or to work out with that end is. But often already know where that end is or I have people who help me find that end. And it’s actually… that’s gonna be the things to either you roll your sleeves up if you’re in a bad space. If you’re not in a bad space anything to do is to do it, you know. So,there’s also that as well, you know. Like why give the stress to someone else. What lonely person can change myself. And which is something that I guess you have to learn…
Nick Abregu: Yeah, that’s a solid point. I mean you don’t want to burden anyone else. But that’s what relationships are. Like when you, say with your partner, like would you accept if she didn’t want to burden you?
Josh Balia: No, and that’s exactly… it’s ironic. Run a social enterprise which is trying to open the doors to talk, you know, and then you yourself don’t want to do it. It’s very ironic. So, that’s, yeah, something I’ve had to get a bit better at doing and I think I’m still learning how to do that because often at time if you don’t want to voice it, and how they’re gonna even know that there’s something going on, you know. So…
Nick Abregu: I have a friend of who’s… he’s going through a divorce. She’s at the later stag of her divorce. And she told me like the key to a relationship is just communication. Like it doesn’t matter how much you think it’s gonna burden someone else, like just get it off your chest if it’s burning you inside. Or even if it’s just a small thing, like get it out before it becomes a big thing. And she said like so clearly, that is the key.
Josh Balia: Yeah, and I only see things that she said correct on that.
Nick Abregu: Because you find it a lot by telling people your thoughts, you find out whether they understand you or not. And if they don’t understand you, they are willing to learn to understand you.
Josh Balia: And that’s, yeah, it’s a whole test, right? And then you understand common interest as well. You understand the way this person can help you as well. I guess I definitely know… I’ve definitely being naïve in the past and I’m being like fic my s*** because you know, other people are gonna bring things to the table that you don’t have. So, yeah, communication is huge. Communication and trust. It doesn’t work without trust.
Nick Abregu: Yeah, I agree.
Josh Balia: If there’s no trust in the relationship, within any relationship then it’s so superficial.
Nick Abregu: That’s true. Yeah, I learned that in relationships and I learned that in business relationships as well. I learnt that trust was a massive thing in business. I already knew that but the big thing was someone said, let’s go play golf. And then they said, why golf? Because you get to see if the other person cheats or not. Like the other person writes a different, you know. So, that’s the purpose of playing this golf meetings. Like that makes so much sense. Like if someone wants to cheat on a small thing, like they’re gonna cheat you on a big thing.
Josh Balia: It’s actually, I always maintained what someone does on the big scale. Yeah, cool, great! I might look good but with the collection of small things is actually what it shows on its character. If someone’s going to lie about something, if someone’s willing to cheat, if someone has these things that we kind of condemn and don’t shouldn’t condone at all or they have no substance fine words. There are small things that ever going to happen on big things. If there’s anything, they just cover it up. So, it’s a really good kind of character assessment. And where you saw you and see it’s how you gauge it and within all relationships. And you can model it as well. I think we always have a responsibility. To some people don’t know or they haven’t been taught, they haven’t had good mentors in their life or good coaches or whoever that plays that role to teach. Maybe this isn’t appropriate, you know. So, maybe you can honestly voice it. That’s where communication comes in, yeah.
Nick Abregu: So, do you think, so in that respect, where you look at what people do on a smaller scale, do you think that… so in any regard whether it’s a relationship or business, do you think cheater can… do you believe in that once a cheater always a cheater? Or like once a s*** businessperson always a s*** businessperson or do you think people can change?
Josh Balia: I think they will have the capacity to change, whether they want to is a different thing. Whether they have a need to is a different thing. But I think everyone has a capacity to change because if you provide enough trauma and like conditioning. Conditioning, Pavlov’s theory, right? There’s where it’s deem that that action isn’t correct and it’s affected them to an extent where it’s actually provided them control, you know, from their action. They may not do it again, you know, if there is a repercussion or consequences that are sort of scale and after teach what to do again. And they’re probably still gonna do it. So, that how, I think you can mediate that. There’s a fine line to mediate that. People can change, depends if they’re willing to or depends if you give them a reason to.
Nick Abregu: What do you see on that trauma thing… so someone does an action and then they become like get a little bit for trauma from that or they receive trauma. And if they do that action again, right? Either it’s just becoming a pattern of self-sabotage or is that… did they learn nothing or what’s your view on that? Because that’s something you’ve been dealing with quite a lot, right?
Josh Balia: Yeah. I think I’ve seen more of that personally and professionally. But there’s… I think there’s two facets to that. There’s one, you have people who’s self-destructive and they enjoy putting themselves on a self-destructive stage once to the subconscious reaction. And then they’ll go and carry that out or they enjoy the drama over it. It’s similar to trauma addiction where, you know, this whole stimulus of hormones and your chemicals that come from a stressful situation. Some people enjoy that. They love the drama, you know. And that’s the signs of… so there is the self-destructive side where people can be self-destructive and enjoy the… I guess the influx of chemicals that come ffrom that environment. The second part of that is, if someone goes and does an action, there’s a consequence to it. But that consequence isn’t enough or it didn’t affect them to a point where the next action they do is gonan benefit them more. Then of course they’re gonna go do it again. They’ll make the same mistake twice. And I think that’s a very good assessment of someone’s will, someone’s moral value, and integrity. And that’s probably someone that if you look at the history in their developmental years, they’re… a lot of the foundations of them as a child have lacked with an integrity, within their moral compass, within that we call conscientiousness. And at this, I guess there’s no other personality stall of that way, you have narcissism that come into that which is the opposite of conscientiousness. Then, the facet of that trait come into play for that person. Now, how you go and deal that? And is someone’s provided trauma, would say they have lost. Then maybe it shifts their whole moral compass, you know. As we grow older, we have things get taken away from us. Sometimes it can shift their very being and with us in loss, with us in grief, you know. There’s always consequences to actions whether that change someone it depends on the scale. And that’s the sign that personally would people made some very poor choices. Very detrimental choices and then realized, I should have recall, they had to recall what happened to them. And only they’re a different person.
Nick Abregu: What’s something like if you don’t want to share, you don’t have to. What’s something that’s been so traumatic that it has changed the pathway of someone?
Josh Balia: I’m very open with that. There’s actually looking at my relationship probably my old man. To perfectly honest with you. There’s… growing up with… I guess the degree of actions we see how we all grow up with. Definitely shaped maybe who I am now. And if anything… I probably should say to make a good character, I’ll do the opposite of what he did. Growing up that’s how I kind of look at it. Now, the consequence of that was for a period of time he pretty much lost his sight and I didn’t have contact with him or had very limited contact with him, we had very turbulent contacted, we did. And that’s kind of shaped the… from then when we looks at how he has these relationship with my brother. Relationship with my sister is very different to our relationship and myself was.
Nick Abregu: Really?
Josh Balia: Yeah. Very different.
Nick Abregu: Are you the oldest?
Josh Balia: And by five years from my brother then from my sister…
Nick Abregu: What do you think that was?
Josh Balia: We grow up in a very volatile household and I think the scale of his reactions were based of trauma in his own life. And things that he was dealing with his own life. My parents separated when I was seven and looking at that time, things were kicking off in that household pretty violently and pretty disturbingly.
Nick Abregu: When they divorce, how old are you?
Josh Balia: I was seven.
Nick Abregu: Seven?
Josh Balia: Yeah, I was seven, seven and a half. Separated six and a half. So…
Nick Abregu: That’s a young age to have to deal with that.
Josh Balia: Yeah, and there’s… I don’t there actually the turbulence settled really between my old man. Rather but my old man and I. So, I was about 17, 18 and then I’d pretty much cut contact. It was then I’d say maybe a couple times a year. And just really come and see my sister. Bit of her birthday, bit for Christmas. And I come and engrossed in anything by that point as well. There’s a relationship there but it also it wasn’t a relationship that a father and child should have to that extent. That I’ve seen he’s pain from what happens, when you start to realizing that we just pulled away from his parents. His son was doing that to him. And that’s the consequence of it, right? You make actions whether you understand what those were or not. There are still consequences and someone’s hurting. And it took him awhile to realise that. And it was actually last year, went to Japan together and my brother was all there. But kind of things lived in the same or same place since I always felt that many times since I was six years old. So, obviously things were going to kick off and things definitely did. And I kind of cut contact with him after that for good, at least. And I contacted client calls and with nothing to do with that. However long, maybe five months or maybe six. And not, and then actually going in and when we did have the conversation and being like if you actually understand where I’m at then you can understand all actions that you’ve done. And kind of ward up when I was a kid. Everything they say what, the 10, the 20% max of what you’ve actually done. And what are the mistakes I’ve made. And some trouble I’ve been in and growing up and what that actually meant. And where that put mentally whether physically. And going to someone, instead of going and asking for apology, that’s the last thing I wanted. But just simply like stayed in that, this is if you want to understand, listen, like sit there and understand.
Nick Abregu: How do you take it?
Josh Balia: Probably a hit in my face pretty hard. There’s.
Nick Abregu: Because it wasn’t seeing what was happening in that relationship.
Josh Balia: And in the end of that conversation, it go for about an hour was, why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you ask and you can say that there’s still this instinct for, I wanna be protecting my son. When realistically he cause most of the trauma. And…
Nick Abrego: Because if you said that that’s how he grew up then that’s all he knew. He thinks that’s the right way to raise a child.
Josh Balia: And there’s … I guess a lot of moments when you start realizing more, maybe that’s not the right way. And we’ve been turbulent within our whole relationship and the degree which he has with me rather the relationship he has with my sister is very different. So…
Nick Abregu: Does that make you feel like why do they get that father? And why I didn’t get that father?
Josh Balia: There’s… I think at times. I’d be lying if I didn’t have that thought at times. But the way I look in it and I said it before is that what I was probably envy us of when I was a child. Other people gonan be a bit envious of what I have now. It changes…
Nick Abregu: Yeah. You wouldn’t be that person.
Josh Balia: Yeah and it changes who you are completely. And although I would never wish that on anyone, with what we grow up, with what it makes me instead of happened from young. I would never change what happen to myself and that’s something that I look at as a reason why I can go understand someone who’s on point of why. I can understand someone coming from a domestic violence background. That’s the reason why I can understand other people going through trauma and poor coping mechanisms because majority the time of being there which means that and seen the back flash of that. So, it’s coming back to a whole purpose thing of whether the people advise made, even personal conversations. Like you find for little traumas that you have and things that you experience. There’s always a piece of that puzzle that can be placed somewhere else even if it’s not your won puzzle. And it can help someone else within that regard. It can break down doors and open up. I guess a first aid kit for somebody who really needs it. So, that’s the context of that relationship and everything that happened. Bloody grateful for it because it teaches up…
Nick Abregu: How do you feel moving forward having kids when you eventually do have kids or if you have kids, are you cared that you might put, your dad might come out in you.
Josh Balia: I think that’s always been something… it’s probably one of my biggest fears in life, to be honest. And I’ve done enough work to make sure that that would never happen. And there’s a whole concept of what makes up our personality, we have genetic influences, and then we have environmental influences. It says 51% of genetic and it says 49% environmental. And wholeheartedly believe I’ve used every inch of that 49% and there’s definitely good qualities within that right? But you do acknowledge certain traits that you have. And I love kids. I can’t wait up.
Nick Abregu: You’re gonna be a good daddy.
Josh Balia: I’ve pictured that. But thre’s… I look at things that I have in my life like, okay this is what I want to do. This is how to actually teach or coach, I stand next to him and even reprimand as well. There’s certain ways to do it. It doesn’t have to be violently. So, things that I’ve learned. Someone has to break that cycle because if you don’t break that cycle. This generational trauma might just repeats over and over again. So, yeah, it’s definitely something that keeps you in check as well. Don’t be like your old man. Sobering though in the world, you know.
Nick Abregu: Yeah. Well, my friend said once to me, the key to generation to generations and getting better is that you only have to be a little bit better than your parents. If you can do that, if you be more better than your parents, good. But you only have to be a little bit better. Make a little bit more money, you know, love your kids just a little bit more, you know. Just be a better person, a better than your parents were. And I think that’s how you progress over the years, in generations. Because I mean it’s hard for people that came from traumatic background like their parents, and their parents, and their parents. They were just trying to be a little bit better than their parents.
Josh Balia: And that’s the thing like people go though some…absolutely bring up the things that they’re born into in and that’s not something that I can control. But exactly right, if there’s one thing that can control being a little bit better. And you know, whatever have in you that is and have to be the next successful whatever whole kind of some dog millionaire story, right? You don’t have to be that. It’s nice but there’s like it can come about and just the smallest of things you know. And that’s one aspect that I think a lot of people neglect. To be fair, yes my old man made a lot of mistakes. Whether in means of or myself to him. But it’s booties heading and it changed. And actually done a very good job with other things in life and with my mom and what she has done in her life is behalf of that. And there’s… so the things that you can control and model off. And if you don’t have them you can create it. If you don’t know how to do it, you can learn. So, yeah, I agree.
Nick Abregu: Keep your head up and get s*** done.
Josh Balia: Yeah, always.
Nick Abregu: Dude, on that note, let’s wrap this up.
Josh Balia: Perfect.
Nick Abregu: Dude, thank you so much for doing this for me man. It’s always a pleasure to sit and chat with you. Usually we’re having coffees but now we’re drinking kombucha.
Josh Balia: Healthy.
Nick Abregu: If you guys want to sponsor us, you can. To our 20 million followers. Dude, thank you so much man.
Josh Balia: Absolute pleasure.
Nick Abregu: I appreciate it. Hopefully, we can get you back here, again. And do this again.
Josh Balia: Catch up things.
Nick Abregu: For sure. Alright, we’re out!